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[personal profile] vr_trakowski
This came about in large part because I completely misunderstood someone on Twitter.  Suffice it to say that the original request was prompted by someone who really deserved a smack with a trout, not just someone causing momentary annoyance. 

Despite my dislike of the word "asshole" (I prefer the tidier ambiguity of "ass"), however, this made me snort immoderately when I found it again, so I hustled up a third verse and hope it may amuse my readers. 


You are an asshole/I will pitch you off this roof
Or shoot you with a ray gun/and laugh as you go poof
I’ll toss you to the yeti/add poison to your tea
And then there’s nitro--just/get away from me! 

You are an asshole, everybody knows it
You are an asshole, you’re a total waste of space
You are an asshole, your every move just shows it
You are a…know what?  I’m getting out the mace. 

Defenestration’s nice/and so are hand grenades
I’ll bolt you to the asphalt/and schedule the parades
There’s plague and flu and rabies/or holes in the pontoons
I’ll dip you in minced chicken/and summon the Maine Coons! 

Ninjas in your sock drawer/vipers on your car*
Vampires, ghouls, and goblins/you know that this means war
I’ll drop you off a mountain/after applying the duct tape
I’ll write the Potter fandom/and tell them you hate Snape! 

*Vinshield vipers, naturally. 

Date: 2011-10-11 04:32 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] spockside
LMAO and trying to figure out what tune this would best be sung to...

Date: 2011-10-12 02:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
If you can come up with one, let me know!

Date: 2011-10-11 11:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cincoflex.livejournal.com
It still makes me grin to read it--and fits a few people I work with!

Date: 2011-10-12 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
If you hadn't liked it, I probably wouldn't have posted it, so thank you. :P

I think everyone has a few of 'em...

Date: 2011-10-11 03:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] celtae.livejournal.com

Date: 2011-10-12 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
:D Thank you!

Date: 2011-10-11 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phdelicious.livejournal.com
I need this to be a real song with an mp3 so I can play it when necessary.

Date: 2011-10-12 02:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
Hey, if you can come up with a tune...feel free! Music is not my strong point.

Date: 2011-10-11 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boubabe14.livejournal.com
I had to laugh out loud at the vinshield vipers. Out loud :-D

Date: 2011-10-12 02:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
That's my favorite part, I admit. :D

Date: 2011-10-12 02:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smacky30.livejournal.com
That is simply hysterical! And as Cinco said, it fits some people I work with/know. :)

Date: 2011-10-12 03:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
I suspect everyone has a few! *snerk*

Date: 2011-10-15 03:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snowydragon1776.livejournal.com
I LOVE THIS and can think of a few people at work it would be applicable too...

Oh if I could think of a tune

Date: 2011-10-20 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vr-trakowski.livejournal.com
Glad you like it! :D

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