Tea and Dragons

This came about in large part because I completely misunderstood someone on Twitter.  Suffice it to say that the original request was prompted by someone who really deserved a smack with a trout, not just someone causing momentary annoyance. 

Despite my dislike of the word "asshole" (I prefer the tidier ambiguity of "ass"), however, this made me snort immoderately when I found it again, so I hustled up a third verse and hope it may amuse my readers. 

*ahem* 

You are an asshole/I will pitch you off this roof
Or shoot you with a ray gun/and laugh as you go poof
I’ll toss you to the yeti/add poison to your tea
And then there’s nitro--just/get away from me! 

CHORUS: 
You are an asshole, everybody knows it
You are an asshole, you’re a total waste of space
You are an asshole, your every move just shows it
You are a…know what?  I’m getting out the mace. 

Defenestration’s nice/and so are hand grenades
I’ll bolt you to the asphalt/and schedule the parades
There’s plague and flu and rabies/or holes in the pontoons
I’ll dip you in minced chicken/and summon the Maine Coons! 

Ninjas in your sock drawer/vipers on your car*
Vampires, ghouls, and goblins/you know that this means war
I’ll drop you off a mountain/after applying the duct tape
I’ll write the Potter fandom/and tell them you hate Snape! 

*Vinshield vipers, naturally.